Hmmmm…well I knew it would happen eventually. My first example of why Iraq is not the ideal place for dieting…you have no control of your choices of food. Case in point…
As posted previously, today is Day 7 and my planned HSM day. Naturally I’ve REALLY been looking forward to this day for two reasons. First, I was hoping to see some initial results from all this misery I’ve been putting myself through…nope. And second, I was looking forward to some relief from the misery in the form of healthy solid food…nope again.
I head up to the DFAC happy as hell. Obviously I haven’t been to the DFAC all this week because of the diet…felt like I hadn’t been there in a year. I wash my hands, scan my ID card, grab my tray and plastic flatware and turn around to face the gauntlet that I am about to boldly race through. You see, to get from the front entrance to the Healthy Bar you have to walk through everything else they have to offer. One must successfully negotiate the Main Line, Short Order, Soul Food Bar, Pizza Bar, Taco Bar, Asian Bar, Dessert Bar, Ice Cream Bar, Cold Cut Sandwich Bar and Sunday Brunch Bar to get to the Healthy Bar.
So naturally this is about the time that the little devil and the little angel pop up onto my shoulders.
Disclaimer - Angel has a filthy mouth…this is how he motivates me…Devil does, too
Devil: AWWWWW, SHIT. Motherfin’ Pizza Bar in the house, bitches! Fk it…you’ve been good all week…a couple of slices of pizza won’t hurt.
Angel: Yeah that’d be OK, if you were a spineless, pussy bitch. How ‘bout thinkin’…“I’ve been good all week, so I’d be a fool to f**k it up now.” So what you need to do is put your head down, get your feet movin’ and take your narrow-ass on over to the Healthy Bar.
So I get moving and just look straight forward…eyes on the prize…the Healthy Bar! Now ordinarily on the healthy bar you will have things like chicken breast, turkey breast, salmon, trout, etc. And then usually some kind of mixed vegetables, spinach, straight broccoli, etc. So what do we have on the day of my planned HSM? If you guessed lasagna and fatty ass chicken wings, you would be correct. What genius thought that was healthy?
So I walk the gauntlet again to get back up to the Main Line to see if there is anything decent up there…nope. As usual, it’s all fried…
Devil: See, this is what I was sayin’ God must want you to have Pizza today. Go ahead…you’ve EARNED it.
Angel: Boo-f**kin’-hoo…you whiny bitch. So shit didn’t go according to plan…that’s life! Eat your HSM tomorrow…it doesn’t have to be today.
Devil: NO…FUCK THAT! TODAY IS THE SOLID MEAL DAY…YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS ALL WEEK!
Angel: No, you f**kin’ punk…what you need to do is get your ass outta this DFAC most riki-tik! Remember what Shugart said? Physically move yourself somewhere else. NOW MOVE YOUR ASS!
And that’s when I hauled ass. I practically closed my eyes and ran outta there. It worked though…I didn’t cheat. But boy, what a Jedi-Mind-F**k! I was really looking forward to that meal.
Hopefully they have something worthy tomorrow…I’m almost scared to go back… ;)[/quote]
dude, good catch. A lesser man would have prolly broke, but you didn’t and that in itself is a major victory. so pat yourself on the back.
Just remember, when life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold (name of an Atmosphere record).