Biotest

Plumber's Asscrack Be Gone!


#1

[i]Ok, I decided to change the title of this thread. The previous title (Do It Or Die!!!) seemed a bit…psychotic. Hopefully anyone who has been following along doesn’t lose track.[/i]

Short angry version:
I’m fucking sick and tired of my ass crack showing when I bend over because my pants don’t fit right due to my unsightly man handles which obfuscate the proper location of my waist.

My wife finds it hilarious to make clever comments when ol’ smiley makes his appearance, and gleefully pokes her finger or other objects in there. Ha ha, very funny Sweetie.

So Sorry, but soon you’ll need to find another way to get your kicks Baby.

Just say [i]NO[/i] to crack, kids.

Long boring embarrassingly overly-verbose soybean protein enriched version:

I am a 38 year-old father, husband, and musician/composer.

About eight years ago, I woke up and found myself on the fast track to obesity and all its benefits. I was technically obese, if on the low end of the definition. I felt and looked terrible. At around 30% bodyfat, with very little muscle or strength, I was a gooey mess.

But I didn’t stop eating ice cream sandwiches in bed until I saw the pictures. One particularly unflattering shot was in the newspaper, which a friend showed me one day as I was burying my face in a plate of ‘Drunken Noodle’ at my favorite Thai restaurant.

It was a picture of me playing saxophone on stage. I knew that wasn’t the real me, and a fundamental lifestyle change was in order.

So I jumped on a well-known program that incorporated eating good whole foods, a good beginning resistance training program, and some intense but brief cardio. I made great progress in a short amount of time.

Spurred on by urge to succeed with further fitness goals (and by the fear of returning to my former self), I continued making modest gains for the next three years. I reached a low single-digit bodyfat percentage, and enjoyed a couple summers and several vacations in good shape. Still, I wanted more muscle mass, so I ate more and trained hard.

I have made modest gains over the past few years, but I feel the way Chris describes his experience on the first page of the V-Diet. I’m not comfortable going shirtless or in a swimsuit, and I’m pissed about it! I wasn’t going to ever feel that way again, but here I am.

Thankfully, I have not spiralled out of control. I do wish I had some more lean meat on my frame before doing this, but I think this is exactly what I need to get ready for the summer’s vacations.

So, I am COUNTING on this plan living up to what it says. I have read it through carefully several times. I have acquired all of the required supplements. I started the workouts last Monday to dial in the proper weights and to get used to a couple of the less-familiar exercises.

I am starting on Monday, April 13. I’m not sure how much detail I will put in this blog, but I will try to keep it up as much as time allows. But even if I miss a day or two updating this thread, I will be attacking this thing like a pit-bull on a poodle.

BTW, I have also spent quite a bit of time this week reading many of the blogs to see how y’all handle the various challenges that come up. I must say, it is an honor to be in the company of so many great strong-willed folks.

I am the only member of my family (and friends) who is into this stuff, so I can really identify with some of the challenges some of you face with the ‘toxic’ people in your lives.

In my case, I don’t think my wife tries to be ‘toxic’, and I don’t think of her that way. But, she doesn’t understand why I need to do this, and isn’t exactly supportive. She won’t make it difficult for me, but I think she thinks I’m a bit touched in the head. Well, perhaps she will see the results and have a change of heart. But I’m not counting on it.


#2

Beginning stats:

Height: 5’9
Weight: 178
Neck: 15.5
Shoulders: 50 (hard to measure myself, even with the Myotape)
Chest-Upper: 44
Chest-Low: 41
Waist-Navel: 35.5
Waist-Beltline: 34.5
Hips-Largest: 38
UpperArmL: 15
UpperArmR: 15
UpperLegL: 23.8
UpperLegR:23.5
CalfL: 14.5
CalfR: 14.5
Ankles: 9

Mood: Excited!

And BTW, yes, I couldn’t resist a little lat-spread for the back picture. So sue me, ha.


#3

Re: toxic people
I agree, many people don’t intend to be toxic toward your goals - in that why should they change because you are. I just have to remind myself that on the flip side of that, why should I have to change because I don’t jive with their goals. Hopefully she comes around and if not hopefully she will just accept it part of the whole package (of you)


#4

[quote]LeftNut wrote:
And BTW, yes, I couldn’t resist a little lat-spread for the back picture. So sue me, ha.[/quote]

A lat spread involves putting your hands on your sides and pulling your shoulder blades apart (pictured above). You, my friend, just have a huge back, and that will serve you very well throughout the diet. More muscle = more fat loss & more definition, which = a very happy wife (unless you get too much attention from the ladies, which would = a jealous wife).

Best of luck!


#5

Hey! Welcome to the family (I feel like the Godfather!). But that’s kind of what we’ve been for each other. You say you don’t know many people who have the same interest or goals in fitness, I think that is like a lot of us. We need this place to vent and express ourselves while going through this. You sort’ve create a bond with people when they are going through what you’re going through. This forum will be integral to your success. You won’t realize it until your right down to the wire.

I am on Day 23, and I’m currently “in the grind” right now. So many people have kept me sane (and distracted!). Excited to see your end results, you’ve got some good muscle on you to begin with, so you’re gonna kill this!

BTW, your avatar is freakin’ hilarious!


#6

Best of luck man! I’m nearing the end of week one myself and I felt the way you do. I read the forum quite a bit before starting and also finally decided I needed support as I have some “toxic” people in my life also. They are supportive but most people don’t understand the mindset it takes to do something like this. You seem like a pretty cool guy and any fellow musician is a friend in my book. GOGOGOGO!!


#7

[quote]Polsen714 wrote:
Re: toxic people
I agree, many people don’t intend to be toxic toward your goals - in that why should they change because you are. I just have to remind myself that on the flip side of that, why should I have to change because I don’t jive with their goals. Hopefully she comes around and if not hopefully she will just accept it part of the whole package (of you)[/quote]

Thanks for the reminder Polsen. I often make the mistake of coming too far the other direction–and change my behavior to make my family more comfortable. Yeah, that makes me a wuss. So I need to stop being such a daisy, stop worrying about their precious little feelings, and do what I need to do.

Mind you, I say this from the perspective of deciding what I eat and how I take care of my body, and realizing that it is nobody else’s business unless I am abusing myself. And in the end, it’s probably the best example I could set; so it’s better for everyone in the long run, anyway.

My wife is really not so bad compared to some of the stories I have read here. She just has no experience that helps her understand my perspective on this. So I get a lot of “I think you look great the way you are, I don’t know what you are trying to do with this, and it sounds pretty extreme”. Yeah, that is the most difficult comment for me to deal with.

She is one of those types that has a fantastic figure while eating ice cream for dinner every night. Of course, that sort of thing catches up with everyone, eventually.


#8

[quote]jo3 wrote:
A lat spread involves putting your hands on your sides and pulling your shoulder blades apart (pictured above). You, my friend, just have a huge back, and that will serve you very well throughout the diet. More muscle = more fat loss & more definition, which = a very happy wife (unless you get too much attention from the ladies, which would = a jealous wife).

Best of luck![/quote]

Ha, thanks man. Well, I know I’m not doing a proper lat spread…just saying that picture isn’t exactly completely relaxed.


#9

[quote]firmgrrrl wrote:
Hey! Welcome to the family (I feel like the Godfather!). But that’s kind of what we’ve been for each other. You say you don’t know many people who have the same interest or goals in fitness, I think that is like a lot of us. We need this place to vent and express ourselves while going through this. You sort’ve create a bond with people when they are going through what you’re going through. This forum will be integral to your success. You won’t realize it until your right down to the wire.

I am on Day 23, and I’m currently “in the grind” right now. So many people have kept me sane (and distracted!). Excited to see your end results, you’ve got some good muscle on you to begin with, so you’re gonna kill this!

BTW, your avatar is freakin’ hilarious![/quote]

Well thank you, firmgrrrl! Good to be here. congratulations on hanging in there, I know from your thread you have had great success so far.

Yeah, that anim kills me too…it’s so…spazzy…


#10

[quote]basquiatcase wrote:
Best of luck man! I’m nearing the end of week one myself and I felt the way you do. I read the forum quite a bit before starting and also finally decided I needed support as I have some “toxic” people in my life also. They are supportive but most people don’t understand the mindset it takes to do something like this. You seem like a pretty cool guy and any fellow musician is a friend in my book. GOGOGOGO!![/quote]

Yeah, that sounds about right. Most people just don’t understand why I can’t have “just one bite” of that donut or whatever. That mindset is a place few have gone, and fewer have stayed for longer than a fleeting visit.

Thanks for the support, and it’s good to know there are other musicians around! (Serious musicians are yet another dysfunctional family that most people don’t understand, and I’m not sure they would want to, LOL!) Best to you!


#11

Welcome!! You’re going to be so happy with the results of this if you stick with it. You do already have a strong base to work with. And you got us here for support. Apparently, a lot of people ‘on the outside’ think we’re crazy. Left Nuts, Right Nuts, Total Nuts, whatever. We’re just nuts, speaking of nuts…it’s time for some nut butter!!! Waahoo!


#12

[quote]austin2174 wrote:
Welcome!! You’re going to be so happy with the results of this if you stick with it. You do already have a strong base to work with. And you got us here for support. Apparently, a lot of people ‘on the outside’ think we’re crazy. Left Nuts, Right Nuts, Total Nuts, whatever. We’re just nuts, speaking of nuts…it’s time for some nut butter!!! Waahoo![/quote]

LOL, thanks Austin (oops, I mean Lisa!). Well, as long as they stay on the outside. Because if they were on the inside, they would [b]know[/b] we are insane. But they would be too, so it would all even out…sort of…now where did I put that tin-foil hat?

And by the way, not to nitpick…but there is no if I stick with it…there is only when. And that when is now. (Just in case you’re baiting me, ha!)


#13

Thanks to whichever Mod took the time to reformat my original post, it reads much better now. :slight_smile: I guess I write in big clumps when I am in a hurry, ha.


#14

Those mods are great aren’t they? But I completely get what you’re saying about your wife. Not that I have ever been married, nor would I marry a woman, but the effect your own self-image has on your happiness in a relationship can’t be understated. I am noticably happier, caring, and energetic when I am satisfied with the way I look. So, while she might think you are only doing this for yourself, remember that it WILL improve your relationship with her as well.

But, damn her for being able to eat ice cream all the time, jkjk


#15

[quote]LeftNut wrote:
Thanks to whichever Mod took the time to reformat my original post, it reads much better now. :slight_smile: I guess I write in big clumps when I am in a hurry, ha.[/quote]

Happy to help! :slight_smile:


#16

[quote]Polsen714 wrote:
But, damn her for being able to eat ice cream all the time, jkjk[/quote]

Yes, damn them all to hell!!! We had a little talk last night, and everything should be just fine.

But enough warm fuzzies. This thing starts tomorrow morning, and I am ready to hit it!


#17

Good luck brother. After one day I am still fully stoked. I haven’t had any major issues. Let’s keep going strong!


#18

Hey leftnut…congrats on deciding to take the plunge…it looks like you have a lot of muscle tucked away in there, so once the fat starts melting off over the next 28 days, you should see some amazing results…

Keep the intensity up and burn through this thing! I look forward to your results…

-Nate


#19

Day 1:

1 hour hike early this morning with the dog.

All meals accounted for and on plan (still need to drink my last shake & PB, no way I’ll forget that, I’m hungry!)

Advanced workout #1:
Bent-Over Barbell Row: 205x5,4,4,3,2,2
*Overhead Squat: 85x5,5,5,5 (fuuuuuuucccckkkk meeeeeeee!!!)
Dips: bodyweight plus 95x5,4,3,2,2,2,1,1
Ab-Wheel Rollout: 20 (need to find a way to add resistance)

*Ok, I am PISSED about the overhead squat. I just can’t seem to find my balance. It’s not a challenge to hold much more weight than this, and I think my back squat numbers (always ass to grass) are pretty decent for my size. I’m sure this exposes some problems in my squat form…I feel like I am going to fall over forward, and this destabilizes the weight overhead. Maybe I need to put a 2x4 under my heels?

My form isn’t good even at this weight. I have been working out for several years, and the rest of the advanced program is going fine. I did the workouts last week, and this is the only exercise that I haven’t done before. I researched it a bit, and figured a wider stance and grip would help. It helped a little, but I still SUCK at this exercise. I feel like I need a better lower-body workout in the Monday workout, but I probably just need to learn this exercise. Suggestions are more than welcome!

Other than the overhead squats, everything is going great. The HOT-ROX gave me some good clean energy for the most part, but a little edgy at times. I took these years ago, probably before the current formula. I’ll get used to them in a day or two.

Last shake in a little while, and this day will be in the can!


#20

[quote]Dpac619 wrote:
Good luck brother. After one day I am still fully stoked. I haven’t had any major issues. Let’s keep going strong! [/quote]

Thanks my man! Had a great day too, hopefully the HOT-ROX will wear off before bed, gotta get up extra early tomorrow to get the hike in before wifey goes to work.

Kick ass bro!