Biotest

Out of Excuses - L's V-Diet Log

Argh! Just came back from the meet up session with friends at the bakery. It was tough to just get tea while everyone was getting cakes etc., but the worst part was when one of my closest friends made an underhanded judgment on my reason of ‘No, I’m just getting tea because I’m on a programme right now and I’ve decided to commit to it for at least a month.’ Her response was ‘Oh, so you are doing it for weight then. I mean, I go to the gym so that I CAN eat the foods I like.’

  1. When she said the thing about weight, she had this expression of distaste on her face as if it was bad for someone to go to the gym and watch their eating habits for weight reasons. (Not that mine are. It’s not about weight; it’s about doing this to get rid of the hold of exact situations like this on me, to lose FAT, to get more healthy and to see something extreme and worthwhile THROUGH all the way)
  2. Her reason of going to the gym was stated in a way as if all people should do it like that. (Keep in mind she is slim. She DID have more excess weight before we met though).

Then, towards the end of our foursome chat, she said ‘Guys, we should do this more often. And L, you won’t be allowed to have tea. We’ll force you to have something.’ It was meant as a joke, but it seemed like my opting for tea was a bad thing and my commitment to a programme and eating a certain way to feed my muscles properly (I had only described what I’m doing this month as ‘a programme at the gym that I’m working hard at so I don’t want to waste my effort by not eating the right way’) was bad as well.

This sat (and still hovers) like a dark cloud over me because it has brought back those exact feelings that I was fearful of all the last several years. The judgment.

It was also hurtful to hear it from her. You would hope for support.

…But it does help to write it out because then I start to see how silly it is. The sad(?) part is that I think she (and others) will give me grief over the next couple months when they notice I AM losing weight. ERG! I KNOW this is good for me, and although they would say I’m fine as I am (sure, clothes can do wonders), I think my current physique is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. So there.

Ugh, stupid dark cloud. Go away.

…I’m also fearful of how I’ll deal with the judgment later when I AM getting rid of fat later on this diet. Do you think they’ll come around? I guess it shouldn’t matter.

First of all, special props to you for even going to the bakery in the first place. Great job toughing it out in a very difficult place to be while on the V-Diet.

On your first point, hard as it may be, maybe just chalk it up to ignorance on her part about the ‘whole picture’ of the idea behind gyms, and also ignorance on your decision since she doesnt know anything about the vdiet or even what kind of results you’re looking at within a month. She doesnt get it, but its a good thing YOU do.

On number 2, maybe most people DO do that. Probably do. Except for fitness competitors and such. The average gym goer DOES go to the gym, run around a while, lift a couple weights, and then feels it’s ok to eat however shitty they want to. Like going to church Sunday and then being a no good for nothing piece of trash all week. It is the way the majority of average people think. Fortunately and obviously, YOU arent average so dont let her bring you down to her average level (not that you plan to).

Number 3, one word: Toxic. She’s probably a great friend, but steer clear maybe for the month. You’ll find other friends to fill in her spot and be supportive during this time. They’ll show up eventually. Even if it’s just one friend, thats enough, and even if nobody ever does…you at the very least have us ;).

I think they will come around, whether they admit it or not. But I bet by the time this is all said and done, you’ll be the cream of your crop there, and they’ll be happy for you.

Lisa

P.S. It’s hard to say it ‘shouldnt matter’. And hard to admit that it does matter what others you love think. Because it does. I know how it feels.

Tiger, I like what Lisa said as usual and I’d add sometimes people will use this type of behavior as a defense mechanism for their own insecurities. That really your program and will to succeed threatens her. It’s all about her not you and like most instinctive defense reactions she may not have even realized what she did. Once not twice tell her you would really appreciate her support with this. Then let it do what it’s gonna do and if she comes around great if not…well you know what I say

Tiger,

Way to go having that tea. I am very proud of you for sticking to it despite the pressure to do otherwise. I think we all care what people think especially the ones we care most about. You are doing this for you and your health that should be enough.

You are worth it!

Sara

Way to tough it out! Read this yet?

You are going to do amazing with this. And its going to be that much greater for you because you arent just losing weight, you are conquering fears that haunt most people their whole life.

Just remember that they wont say squat to you when you are a smoking hot babe!

Great work with the updates too. It will definitely keep you and I motivated. If I see you arent posting regularly, Im going to be messaging you like crazy. Bouahaha, Im in this with you till the end!

Day 3 - Finito.

The day was tougher in the emotional sense. Big thanks to Lisa, Draper, Sara, Chris and Laujik for coming through.

Lisa: Words of wisdom there. Among other points I’ll be going back to I’m sure, is the fact that my friend might actually be right… if we’re talking about how average people go about doing things. But all of us on the v-diet have decided that we aren’t average. I think this perspective will really help me in the future.

Draper: Thanks for encouraging me to address this with my friend head on. Saying I would really appreciate her support isn’t confrontational (i.e. it’s a blameless thing to do) and is something I should be able to ask for if it’s going to be a solid friendship anyway. Amazing how I can’t see these things while I’m in the situation. …Not to say I’m not scared to ask, but I know I should and will if she shows any more toxicity.

Ringer: I felt very supported by your post and it made me feel better to be reminded that it was a natural thing for me to feel upset by someone close to me barbing me that way. …But that I didn’t need to put up with it. :slight_smile:

Chris: YES! I had read it when it was first posted, but useful to read again today when it had such a specific situation to apply to. Thanks for the reminder.

Laujik: It’s a deal! On until the end! And the smoking hot babe description - now that’s motivation! :wink:

Workout 3 was a lot of fun today - hard, but FUN. For the first time since starting weights 4.5 years ago, I felt nauseous in the weight room (I have felt that way in practices for sports teams but that involved cardio and sprints etc., not weight training). Not saying I like feeling nauseous, but it was great to be so engaged with the new program and know that I was pushing myself. It was actually a little amusing as some of the big guys in the weight room were kind of looking warily at me like ‘man, this girl is serious.’

And now I understand why all this time Chris had been saying more exercises etc. wasn’t going to help - would just mentally fatigue you. I never would have thought 4 exercises would knock me out like that.

Felt real good.

Surge was delicious.

To bed. Tomorrow is Day 4! :slight_smile:

Les go, V-D’ers!

L: Don’t let the haters get you down…I’ve heard some people say they thrive on negativity (I happen to be one of those people) so maybe you can use that as motivation to prove them wrong!!!..if not, at least push her aside and don’t let her comments affect you…you know what you are doing is good and will benefit you, and that really is all that matters…

Keep up the awesome work!! With your willpower and enthusiasm, you’re gonna be just fine…

I’ve found that approaching this one day at a time has worked for me. That and I’ve created this mental picture of what I’ll look like in 24 more days (I started this past Monday).

I just keep reminding myself that whatever ‘pain’ or ‘issues’ I experience while on the diet will pale in comparison to the gains I make.

Keep striving, keep pushing…you’re doing great!! (and motivating future V-Dieters at the same time)

You are done on ay 3 and I am ready to begin! Keep it up! Iook forward to the workout! If I didn’t have my iTouch iPod with movies I would die during the NEPA. :slight_smile: I am cheering you on!

wow, you’ve already been through a lot and learned a lot all within the first few days! If you can get through these, you can definitely finish this program! Keep up the good work, remember why you’re doing this, read the great articles on this forum, and keep posting with us. These people are the reason I get through each and every day successfully!

Surge IS SO delicious. I actually look forward to it.

T-minus 24 days to babe launch.

How did you feel this morning when you got up?

VTBalla, kansas, JC, firmgrrrl and laujik, thanks for the support. Was helpful because this morning, though I felt great physically, I felt sh*t whenever I thought about my friend. However, reflecting on your guys’ support, words of wisdom and the whole idea of saboteurs, I realized my friend did feel threatened (though she appears the epitome of confidence). For example, response to others having cake with her yesterday: ‘Oh, then at least I feel less guilty.’ !!!ALARM!!!

More pressing though, anticipation of the following amplified cortisol levels - your thoughts appreciated:

Although I would prefer to enjoy my HSM (especially my first) completely under my own discretion, my HSM is tomorrow for the leaving-dinner of a(nother) very close friend. (My HSMs will be on weekends, but because I started on a Tuesday, they will be Days 5, 12, 19 etc instead of 7, 14 etc.)

Aforementioned threatened friend and I are hosting. There will be make-your-own pizzas, salad, cake (which she and I will make for guest-of-honor) and other desserts…and lots of wine.

I’m not too worried about the main meal as I can forego wine and put wild salmon, spinach, cherry tomatoes etc. on my pizza (though if I had the HSM my way, I wouldn’t waste those ingredients on a pizza base - would rather enjoy them in all their glorious independent goodness. NB Those words not intended to offend pizza lovers :wink: ).

The concern is when dessert comes around. I’m not craving solid food so I don’t think passing up dessert will be too difficult (unless I am stressed by the whole situation). BUT, I can imagine my friend offering rounds of cake, me saying ‘no thanks’ and her making some glib comment in front of everyone that will put me right smack where I am most vulnerable (see intro post). I thought of many things I could say in retort, but the bottomline is I am likely to REACT and feel and sound very defensive - like a cat backed against a wall. To no longer have this reaction would be one of the biggest victories I could take away from doing the v-diet. But I don’t know if I am capable yet.

As I see it, my options tomorrow:

  1. I could say something to my friend beforehand, along the lines of Draper’s advice, to explicitly ask for support. However, it could get sticky without the satisfaction of doing it in public, and there is risk that she will make it a bigger deal behind my back (not intentionally but with that effect).
  2. I could really use this situation to stand up for myself publicly with a nonchalant response (I would LOVE to be able to do that - but as I said, doubt my ability to yet BE nonchalant)
    Or 3) I could ‘keep the peace’ by saying “I’m pretty full, maybe later”, but if they call my bluff, I will eventually have to have dessert. Which I would be eating for them rather than myself.

I’m keen for option two, but need some coaching on how to do this. Essentially, how do I reframe if I’m to be genuinely internally nonchalant?

For example, as VT suggested, maybe I need to feed off the negativity. But, although I can do it for some areas of my life, I’ve yet to master in this arena. How does a negativity-thriver reposition this situation without souring the atmosphere for everyone witnessing the exchange?

Or, how does one not even register attempted stings but treat them like water off a duck’s back?

(quack)

Thanks guys, for any advice. (wow, that’s a long post)

The following is my opinion only. Maybe somebody else has a better idea but it’s what I would do.

Expect it going in. Keep the peace, this night is about your friend leaving, nothing else. If someone asks why you arent eating what they’re eating and why wont you have some cake and why wont you have some wine and why wont do this or that, telling them you are full and maybe later may probably induce “behind your back” talks because the friend already knows there wont be a “maybe later” for you so your bluff will be automatically called.

I’d just tell them thanks for offering, and it does look good, but you’re on a month long program to get into shape (Dont say diet, dont say to lose weight, just say to get in shape) and part of the deal is to not eat any refined sugars/carbs during the process because it will mess everything up. They may continue to jibe and poke at you trying to get you to just have one little bite, and thats when you smile and wave your hand and say nah thanks, you guuuuysss…stop tempting me…har har har and walk out of the room.

Dont treat it like a big deal, dont hang around long enough in the immediate area to get into a long discussion, laugh it off, and have a good time. They’ll find something else to talk about pretty quickly.

[quote]tiger_ppr wrote:
As I see it, my options tomorrow:

  1. I could say something to my friend beforehand, along the lines of Draper’s advice, to explicitly ask for support. However, it could get sticky without the satisfaction of doing it in public, and there is risk that she will make it a bigger deal behind my back (not intentionally but with that effect).
  2. I could really use this situation to stand up for myself publicly with a nonchalant response (I would LOVE to be able to do that - but as I said, doubt my ability to yet BE nonchalant)
    Or 3) I could ‘keep the peace’ by saying “I’m pretty full, maybe later”, but if they call my bluff, I will eventually have to have dessert. Which I would be eating for them rather than myself.[/quote]

I’ve only used one line this entire time, and it has worked for me 100%.

When people ask me why I’m not eating/drinking, I always say, “I’m getting ready for beach season 2009 baby!” I’m lying in the sense that I have no intention of going to the beach this summer, but I’m letting my friends know that I’m being cautious about what I eat so I can have fun this summer.

Basically, I’m keeping it humorous while putting it in terms they can understand and appreciate. It works for me because I get them off my back, but it also works for them because it doesn’t seem too farfetched.

I’m sure you’ll think of something :slight_smile:

Hey thanks Lisa and Joe. Both very helpful. And just the detail I needed. I am feeling more confident about being able to deal… though having everything there might throw me off - but just a little. I will do this!

You guys rock. x

Day 4, CHECK!

Altogether alright day. Some rougher patches because I had a deadline to work towards and the work was boring as hell and I was SO tired. Usually tiredness cramps my style (and my ability to make good decisions), but I was on track.

Someone swiped my mp3 player and headphones today! I left it on my desk while I brought work to do outside in the sun thinking it’d be safe since only about 15 other friendly colleagues have access and some cleaning people. I didn’t notice right away that it was gone because i was too tired. I hope I’ve just made a mistake and misplaced it, or it turns up miraculously tomorrow or monday…

But even with that, I think it was an alright day especially since Day 4 is done and I’ve some ideas now on how to handle tomorrow’s HSM.

Also, today is a good day because tomorrow I get to give a go at the vChallenge. Let’s see what tune I’m singing afterwards… :wink:

To bed! Day 5, let’s go!

Day 5 - Wooh, what a day so far!

Went to the gym, did the vChallenge (Int). Was half nervous and half excited.
Time: 33.04 min
Felt nauseous on the last circuit and was cussing like a pirate throughout the entire thing. Feels great (the afterburn, not the cussing… well, actually, the latter helped a bit. sheepish look) :wink:

Then I went grocery shopping for my HSM happening tonight at my friend’s leaving-dinner. What a FUN excursion! Echoing what some have already said in the forum, I have never enjoyed grocery shopping as much! I wasn’t even at a nice farmer’s market but a regular supermarket.

I think I got a little carried away. Everyone was supposed to volunteer one topping for the pizzas tonight (there’s going to be about 9 of us there and we will be using each other’s toppings) and I had already said I’d bring three: cherry tomatoes, spinach and wild red salmon (canned)…in consideration of my HSM. But I ended up getting 2x of everything AND large peeled prawns AND 2x fresh raspberries - the raspberries to enjoy and share while others stuff themselves with cake (and raspberries). :slight_smile: I just don’t want to take the risk of one of these ingredients being too popular and me not ending up satisfied with my share for my HSM. Heh.

Then, as I’m walking back home - all sweaty from the gym, hair up in a ponytail and just cracking down the sidewalk because it’s really busy in our town on the weekends and I am an impatient person - a guy stops me as we walk past each other and says “Excuse me… I just have to tell you, you look really gorgeous.” I was like… didn’t know what to say! Ended up spurting out a quick thanks and carried on! I was embarrassed - don’t think it’s quite true…YET - though that felt great. Interestingly just this morning I was having strange thoughts about carrying on the diet (residue from past pressure about ‘being too thin’), so I took some pictures again because I was fairly sure they would show me I still have a long way to go (cameras don’t lie!). I was right. Still a long way to go! (So no worries, I wasn’t on the ledge or anything but had to address some crap leftovers from my history). But that was a nice comment to get.

Need jump in the shower now and get ready for the leaving party. Will reread some of the posts on my thread as well as some key ones on others’ threads to buttress my resolve against glib comments at the party before I go.

L

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