Biotest

Out of Excuses - L's V-Diet Log


#1

So I am OUT of excuses. And hopefully with the help of you guys here, I’ll be able to annihilate for good any excuses/rationalizations that I might come up with over the next 6 weeks.

History:
Slim active kid all my life until last year of high school. Gained 60lbs (yuck) within 6 months and struggled with some issues underlying that gain for the next years. To boil down those issues, essentially my family, and particularly my dad, had given me a hard time for the naturally skinny size I was at during my teenage years despite the fact that I was a top athlete in club and school sports teams (actually even when I was 9 years old, before food had any smidgen of cognitive connection to size or appearance in my brain, my dad would say stuff like ‘L, you are really skinny. Are you anorexic?’ I remember being really pissed off…but WORRIED because ‘dad said so’.) During the last year of high school, a lot of stuff happened and I felt pressured from all sides, and for some stupid insecure reason mutilated my relationship with food in hopes that those closest to me would stop giving me a hard time. Dumb idea. (But you start getting a hint of what my biggest hurdle in doing this V-Diet is.)

Anyway, the one good thing from all this is that although I was an athlete throughout high school (serious basketball and volleyball player), I had never seriously taken up weight lifting for its own sake until I began trying to tackle my weight issue in undergrad. I learned my way around a weight room, familiarized myself with training programs & strategies, and learned about mechanisms of metabolism, value of supplements, and general nutrition. I have now lifted for a little over 4 years and love it. It is the one thing that keeps my sanity in check and the last thing to be shunted to the side when time clamps down.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I have not gotten back down to the size I was at… Scratch that, I have not gotten back down to the size I WANT TO/WILL BE at. (I actually don’t want to be the size I was at, because my shape will be much different now (i.e. HOTTER!) because I have been lifting! Woohoo). The things I have identified getting in the way is the following:

  1. I am scared of failing
  2. I am scared of other people (particularly people I care about) judging me and saying that I have an abnormal relationship with food. I seem conditioned to feel ashamed for this judgment even though it is not true. So twisted. (Must. Un. Twist.)
  3. Food sits on a precarious ledge when I am upset because it was so tied up with the misconception of ‘eating’ leads to ‘be accepted’ during my last couple years at home before uni.

And that’s it. Pretty deep-seated turds though I have unearthed them through dirt, sweat and tears the last couple years. I want to use the v-diet to really kill off these silly hang-ups for good. Finish them off. Six and a half years being subject to them is enough. I am done.

And so my stats:
Sex - Female
Age - 24 years old
Training age - 4 years

Height - 5’4
Weight - 144.8 lbs [EDIT: Start weight was probably around 150-153 lbs. Not sure what happened when I weighed in here.]

BF% (electrical impedance) - 34.6%

Neck - 14.25 inches
Shoulders - 40.38
Chest upper - 36.25
Chest lower - 31
Waist@narrowest - 30
Waist@navel - 33.38
Waist@largest - 34.75
Hips@largest - 41.5

Upper arm, L - 11.63
Upper arm, R - 11.63
Upper leg, L - 23.5
Upper leg, R - 23.5
Lower leg, L - 15
Lower leg, R - 15
Ankle, L - 8.38
Ankle, R - 8.38


#2

I was going to make my start date ‘in a week’ or ‘at the beginning of April’, but f*%& that, I am starting now. I have had plenty of time soaking up the wisdom and experiences of people on the V-Forum, was already intrigued when Gus was doing it during the clinics, and have read and reread all the articles Chris had highlighted then and that he has SINCE highlighted.

I’ve journalled, I’ve reflected, and I’ve bought all the supplements. I’ve even made up schedules and envisioned what my day would look like in order to implement the V-Diet. I was just scared sh*tless of failing. And by failing, I mean doing one little bitty thing wrong. But really? Reaally? I was just one of the guilty ones putting it off and putting it off because I was scared and wouldn’t man up. (Ok, I’m a girl, but you know what I mean)

And do you know what pisses me off? I calculated the amount of fat I am carrying around based on my weight and BF% measurements. It comes out to 50 blasted pounds. 23kg! WTF! That is absolutely ridiculous. I get mad just thinking about that number.


#3

Reasons why I don’t have any excuses:

  1. I am 24 y.old. My metabolism is on my side.
  2. I know how to lift and have a decent foundation on which to blast off fat.
  3. I can afford my supplements (i.e. use my food budget for it instead).
  4. I don’t have a spouse or kids I need to cook for.
  5. I have a gym membership.
  6. You all have shown me it can be done
  7. I have the T-Nation community to spur me on (or give me a swift kick in the rear)
  8. 1/12 of a year is NOTHING compared to the 78/12 I have whittled away already and the lifetime of enjoyment I will get from the new habits (and annihilation of old outdated hang-ups) from the V-Diet. Can’t wait.

Words of encouragement, reflection or advice welcome at any point of this adventure.

L


#4

spur, spur, spur Les go Tiger!! You and I have about the same starting point stat wise. Not exactly the same, but pretty similar.

As a matter of fact, while reading your posts, it occurred to me that it felt like I was reading about myself.

I was asked many times by loved ones AND complete strangers if I was anorexic.

I played volleyball and basketball in high school too, looking apparently anorexic. I ate like a stupid person so much too in high school. Lunch was a nutty bar and fudge round and a Mr. Pibb. No matter what I did or ate, I never could gain any weight too look ‘normal’ like all the other athletic girls on my teams.

I fear failing too. I fear it so much (and this sounds a lot like you but correct me if Im wrong), I plan everything out to the very last minute little detail when I decide to do something. I plan and plan and plan and organize and plan again so much sometimes that I never really start the ACTUAL work or thing Im planning.

I too have always been afraid of what other people think about the way I look, for the same reasons as you.

The only difference I can see really is that you are 24 and I just turned 33. What I would not give to have found a program like the Vdiet when i was 24. YOU are sooooo very fortunate and it is so wonderful that you decided it was time to get this shit taken care of once and for all. I hope (know) you will do amazingly well. Dont stop doing this when it gets tough and look up one day in your 30s having done nothing yet.

Rock on Tiger cheer Im going to be eyeballing your progress constantly, I can tell.

Lisa


#5

Wow, you are READY!

Ready like Spongebob about to take his boating exam.

And that’s really, really ready.

Keep us posted!


#6

[quote]tiger_ppr wrote:
Reasons why I don’t have any excuses:

  1. I am 24 y.old. My metabolism is on my side.
  2. I know how to lift and have a decent foundation on which to blast off fat.
  3. I can afford my supplements (i.e. use my food budget for it instead).
  4. I don’t have a spouse or kids I need to cook for.
  5. I have a gym membership.
  6. You all have shown me it can be done
  7. I have the T-Nation community to spur me on (or give me a swift kick in the rear)
  8. 1/12 of a year is NOTHING compared to the 78/12 I have whittled away already and the lifetime of enjoyment I will get from the new habits (and annihilation of old outdated hang-ups) from the V-Diet. Can’t wait.
    [/quote]

Exact same reasons I no longer have excuses and chose to try out this program (except I’m 2 years younger). I also hate failure, so much that sometimes I choose not to do something because I’m afraid I might fail.

Early on, you’ll try to come up with a million excuses to quit the diet. “I don’t know these internet people, so I’m not disappointing anyone.” “This diet’s not healthy.” “I’ll do the same thing, just with real food.” Do not fall into the trap.

This is no quick fix. You’re not gonna look like Jamie Eason in 4 weeks (unless you’re her twin sister). You’re not gonna magically forget about all the filthy foods you once enjoyed. But I’ll tell you what will happen. You’ll learn to master your control over food cravings and urges. You’ll learn to live life for life itself, not for the food that might accompany it. You’ll begin to disassociate certain emotions (happiness, stress relief, etc.) with the unhealthy foods you’ve linked them to. You’ll begin to appreciate the subtle flavors in healthier food. (Who knew I’d have such intense cravings for broccoli and spinach?!)

You’re preparing your body and mind for a lifelong change… the V-Diet’s just a way to start off with a bang!

It’s widely accepted that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Give the V-Diet 28 days, and you won’t regret it!

-Joe


#7

Joe! You and your Jamie Eason! laugh But, right on :wink: Looking forward to your week 1 progression Tiger.


#8

[quote]austin2174 wrote:
Joe! You and your Jamie Eason! laugh But, right on :wink: Looking forward to your week 1 progression Tiger.

[/quote]

Lisa, once you’re done with the diet, I might be using you in my examples :wink:


#9

Day 1, IN the bag. (and I’m tying it up tight)

Amazing how many habitual thoughts came into my mind today. They were thoughts/action ideas I hadn’t noticed before because I would never question them. E.g. ‘I’m hungry. I’ll just go over to the shop and…’ NO WAY. Or ‘I could just taste…’ EXCUSE ME?! NUH UH.

Thoughts were (thank god) promptly ejected. No loitering for ruffians like those.

Among the many things that helped today was the spurring on from Lisa, Chris and Joe (see below) and the previous posts from existing/veteran v-dieters about the joy of PB and flaxseed at the end of the day… Had I not had those thoughts and counter-thoughts to hold onto I might not have been able to focus.

Overall, shakes were fine today. I got some weird looks from some of my neighbors at work, but I experienced a cozy contentment (when not fighting off the episodic habitual thoughts) to note that, while people around me were munching away at their desks, I had my own immunity bubble because what they were doing wasn’t even on my To-Consider radar. It was so nice to not need even THINK about making a decision re food.

It appears that as long as I kept my own-sourced thoughts at bay (which you guys helped me with, see below), I was surprisingly insensitive to the external stimulants. (Hopefully this will last me throughout my 28 days and on).


#10

I did workouts 1 and 2 today to make up for the lost day I would have had since I started on a Tuesday. I am going to do workout 3 on Thursday, v-challenge on Sat and then be reset onto the Mon, Wed, Fri schedule I want. Really enjoyed the workout. (Hoping for at least a little bit of delicious soreness tomo)


#11

Lisa, Chris and Joe, thank you for the support! A HUGE (read: 98%) of the reason why I was able to get over those turning-point humps in the day (and there were many as I reoriented my brain to how things are going to be done the next 28 days + 14) was because of what you had posted.

Lisa: Crazy what a huge mental difference it made to know someone understands my (past) plight. And moreover, what you said about having discovered the vdiet and making this happen now while I’m 24 instead of ‘waking up’ later not having done jack was a weapon I stashed in my arsenal against (self)derailment today. That paragraph - a gem you can be sure I will be rereading.

And you were spot on - I am a planner too. Can get nasty when things don’t go right but I’m slowly learning how to ‘control it’ (like XMen) so that it’s used for good. :wink: Certainly it helps to facilitate us reaching our goals. Just to illustrate my obsessiveness, I have a schedule of shakes planned out per workout day, nepa day, vChallenge day and options of nepa plus socializing day and vChallenge day plus HSM day. Then for all of those I have start times of 7am or 9am (wake times) in case I have to do a late-nighter for work (or play) ;). A little crazy…? Yes, but it makes things so much easier.

Chris: Ready is just the first part. I am going to do this. Thanks for checking in. Would loathe having to say ‘well, actually, I didn’t make it’.

Joe: Some of the excuses you shot down point blank for me to be wary of in my first week were right on. The one about not really letting people down because ‘they’re just a bunch of people on the internet’ was a good one that I didn’t even see coming. But so good because now that you’ve exposed it, I can’t use it! And I have a feeling it is exactly this ‘bunch of people’ that will hold me most accountable.

Thanks guys!


#12

Tiger, don’t want to get too deep on you with this but sometimes our fear of failure is really a fear of success. What if I lose this weight and I still have these hurt feelings? Excuse me, but fuck em! Put em in a box and be done with them. You are in control of you and you rock!


#13

It’s great you realize all that! I have two pieces of advice (both of which I can use myself):

  1. I wouldn’t look at this diet as a 28- or 42-day thing. Rather, take it week by week. Last week when I was really struggling, I sometimes thought to myself, “Yea, I’ve made it through 5 days, but I still have 23 days left! How am I going to do this for 23 more days?” When I shifted gears and focused on making it to my HSM, things got substantially easier. In the grand scheme of things, 28 days isn’t long at all, but when you’re doing something this extreme (going on a liquid diet), you’ll look for any excuse to pull the plug.

  2. Like you, I’m a perfectionist. When it comes to working out/eating healthy, this trait has been more of a burden than a benefit. If I didn’t work out at a certain time or eat at a certain time or eat the right food, then I’d throw away my plans for the week and start over the following week. “Oh, next week will be better,” I’d always think. This led me nowhere, since the trend continued.

What I’ve realized over the past few days is that flexibility is key. So what if you didn’t have your shake at 2pm? So what if you didn’t do your NEPA or take your HOT-ROX at the designated time? What matters is that you fit it in somewhere. For example, I didn’t get my NEPA in this morning because I didn’t wake up early enough. Rather than skipping the NEPA altogether, I just snuck it in right after my workout, and I enjoyed it so much that I think I’m gonna always do my NEPA after my workout (in addition to the ones I do in the morning). Bottom line: be flexible.

Now, if what I described doesn’t fit you (you’re either perfect or you don’t finish it), then disregard what I said :slight_smile:

Keep it up!


#14

Hello Tiger L,

From what I’ve read about you so far, it seems to me that you’re destined for success! You have a strong will and determination which really shines through. You’re also a joy to read.

We’re all here to help, should you need it!

Have Fun!

LR


#15

Day 2, DONE.

I was a little worried today because I had to be off-site and stuck in the city (2.5 hour ordeal each way by coach) for meetings. Usually this scenario features at least one bad food choice because stress levels are high and I end up in a coffee shop buying coffee ‘anyway’ just as I’m feeling famished (fill in the blank what kind of food an unvelocitied famished person might get at a coffee shop).

To make a long story short, not only did I give myself a chance and figure out a way to haul shake ingredients around without sacrificing professionalism (no car - everything via public transport - so there was no place for a bevy of shakes to hide during a meeting), I also won the game of chicken with the usual primed responses to stress in this setting! Wahoo! It was tough!

Even tougher was later tonight when I met up with two really close friends - one who is about to leave for a year if not longer - and almost, aaalmost did that cognitive compartmentalization where the stealth thought short circuits your reasoning with “That goal you had doesn’t matter here, just don’t think about it. Forget about it just for a little while and just enjoy. Worry about it later”. Remotely, though, somehow I was able to think about what I would write to you guys tonight and I clenched my fist and stayed the course. Phew!

I am slightly concerned about tomorrow as three friends and I are meeting at my favorite bakery to catch up. It will be so tempting because this is one place reserved for the rare most scrumptious chats with my favorite people. However, drawing on all the times you guys have faced tough tough situations, this is my turn: Just tea for me please. There will be another time and place where I can eat there (if I even want to), but for tomorrow, I CHOOSE to give the whole spotlight to a nice rounded cup of tea.


#16

I did my NEPA in the park today. Great weather for it. Went longer than normal thanks to the motivation I got from London Runner’s post that it’s NEPA that really drives home the fat burn. Sounds good to me! Thanks LR.


#17

Draper, Joe and London Runner, thanks for the support.

Draper: Too true. I think there is one thing that can trip a lot of people up (it has me in the past for sure) and it’s a good reminder you’ve given. People may think “Once I do X, my life will be perfect”. That X might be getting the promotion, winning the award, achieving the high marks, being in a relationship or losing the weight. But as you have said, doing those things doesn’t make us immune to our problems. But done the correct way they can make us more resilient, stronger people. Echoing some of the wisdom repeated on the forum, it highlights that the change starts from the inside and that includes (pertinent to my situation and your post for me, I think) fortifying a spine of steel that can say “You have a right to your opinion, but this is my decision that is right for how I want to live and that does not harm others. If you have a problem with that, really it’s none of my business.” Or… “Fuck 'em!” as you say. :slight_smile:

Joe: Good points on the flexibility. I am using my schedules for an easy reference/template now. You are quite right that it would be almost impossible to stick to without flexibility. As for focusing on making it to your HSM, you are way ahead of me, dude; I can only focus on the PB at this point!
Finally, that part about “you’re either perfect or you don’t finish it”, was that last bit a challenge? Game on! :wink:

LR: Thank you for the encouragement. It really means a lot when I get those (so far) inevitable blips in spirit during the day to see a post like yours (and others) waiting to get me back into fighting form.


#18

Start to Day 3. Just to say that my goal is to get on here by 11pm and IN BED by midnight! Not enough sleep the last couple days.

Go V-Dieters!


#19

Right on tiger, great mindset.

Lack of sleep effects me as well I find I have trouble getting to sleep but once I do I out like a light.


#20

Argh! Just came back from the meet up session with friends at the bakery. It was tough to just get tea while everyone was getting cakes etc., but the worst part was when one of my closest friends made an underhanded judgment on my reason of ‘No, I’m just getting tea because I’m on a programme right now and I’ve decided to commit to it for at least a month.’ Her response was ‘Oh, so you are doing it for weight then. I mean, I go to the gym so that I CAN eat the foods I like.’

  1. When she said the thing about weight, she had this expression of distaste on her face as if it was bad for someone to go to the gym and watch their eating habits for weight reasons. (Not that mine are. It’s not about weight; it’s about doing this to get rid of the hold of exact situations like this on me, to lose FAT, to get more healthy and to see something extreme and worthwhile THROUGH all the way)
  2. Her reason of going to the gym was stated in a way as if all people should do it like that. (Keep in mind she is slim. She DID have more excess weight before we met though).

Then, towards the end of our foursome chat, she said ‘Guys, we should do this more often. And L, you won’t be allowed to have tea. We’ll force you to have something.’ It was meant as a joke, but it seemed like my opting for tea was a bad thing and my commitment to a programme and eating a certain way to feed my muscles properly (I had only described what I’m doing this month as ‘a programme at the gym that I’m working hard at so I don’t want to waste my effort by not eating the right way’) was bad as well.

This sat (and still hovers) like a dark cloud over me because it has brought back those exact feelings that I was fearful of all the last several years. The judgment.

It was also hurtful to hear it from her. You would hope for support.

…But it does help to write it out because then I start to see how silly it is. The sad(?) part is that I think she (and others) will give me grief over the next couple months when they notice I AM losing weight. ERG! I KNOW this is good for me, and although they would say I’m fine as I am (sure, clothes can do wonders), I think my current physique is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. So there.

Ugh, stupid dark cloud. Go away.