I’m 32 years old, and fucking tired of being a fatso. It hasn’t always been like this. In high school back in the UK, i played rugby, rowed recreationally and was lean. I normally weighed in around 185-195lb.
Then came college. I left home, and did the typical “too much beer, too much weed, too much junk food” routine.
I don’t want to get into too much detail, but home life was abusive on a number of levels. After leaving home, instead of dealing with the issues stemming from that face on, first of all, i stopped being active, and my emotional eating habit became 10 times worse. The pattern continued for about 9 years, until a few people close to me staged, for wont of a better expression, an intervention, and told me if i didn’t change my lifestyle I would suffer the same fate as my Dad, and have a heart-attack in my early 50s. I had ballooned up to 280, putting on around 100lb through a combination of no exercise and emotional eating.
I’ve been in intensive therapy, and on wellbutrin to stabilize the emotions for about 2 years now. In that time, i’ve lost around about 60lb–going from 280 to 220, which is where i am at now.
But for the past 3 months, my progress has stalled, and i feel my mental state slipping as a result of continuing to deal with the abuse issues, and i’ve also had a few weeks of frustration and feeling sorry for myself because i’ve been plateaud for that time, and unable to lean out any further. That has led to me slipping back into the emotional eating habit, wondering “what the hell is wrong with me?”
Couple weeks ago, i was diagnosed as hypothyroid, which may provide a partial answer to why i’ve been unable to lose any further weight. I’m going to be medicated as of tomorrow, hopefully taking care of that part of the picture.
I’m going to do the velocity diet for a number of reasons: first, because i need to radically change the way i see food. I need to stop viewing it as emotional comfort and start viewing it as fuel. Second, I believe that doing this diet will allow me to make the major final change of really focusing on myself, and doing something for myself. Finally, I think that making major physical improvements will help the overall psychological picture and enhance my abilities to deal with and overcome my history.
I’ve decided–even though the diet consists of shakes only (excepting the weekly HSM) to keep a log–i find that writing down the time a shake is taken in helps to maintain the discipline. I’ve also printed off, and put on my bedside table Chris’s Phoenix Theory & Toxic People articles, which i plan to read every night as extra motivation.
My endocrinologist has recommended that i not use HRX, since I’m going to be taking thryoid meds, so I will be using Carbolin 19 instead. Apart from the Metabolic Drive, Flax seeds etc, I will also be using Beta-7, Rhodiola and Z-12, because i’m trying to wean off anti-depressants and sleep meds.
My start date will be Monday 4th May, 6 days from now. The attached pics were taken about 4 months ago, when my weight was around about 235 or 240. I don’t have measurements yet–I’ll be buying tape this weekend, but i’ll post them soon.
I attempted to start this process back in the fall, and failed after a week, but this is it. I’m fucking well determined to carry this through, and I will be posting daily updates as of Monday evening, when i return from a weekend trip to vegas for a wedding.
Given that I can’t use HRX, if anyone has any suggestions for further ancillary supplements, tips would be appreciated. Thanks. Fabian