May 4th Start Date

I’m 32 years old, and fucking tired of being a fatso. It hasn’t always been like this. In high school back in the UK, i played rugby, rowed recreationally and was lean. I normally weighed in around 185-195lb.

Then came college. I left home, and did the typical “too much beer, too much weed, too much junk food” routine.

I don’t want to get into too much detail, but home life was abusive on a number of levels. After leaving home, instead of dealing with the issues stemming from that face on, first of all, i stopped being active, and my emotional eating habit became 10 times worse. The pattern continued for about 9 years, until a few people close to me staged, for wont of a better expression, an intervention, and told me if i didn’t change my lifestyle I would suffer the same fate as my Dad, and have a heart-attack in my early 50s. I had ballooned up to 280, putting on around 100lb through a combination of no exercise and emotional eating.

I’ve been in intensive therapy, and on wellbutrin to stabilize the emotions for about 2 years now. In that time, i’ve lost around about 60lb–going from 280 to 220, which is where i am at now.

But for the past 3 months, my progress has stalled, and i feel my mental state slipping as a result of continuing to deal with the abuse issues, and i’ve also had a few weeks of frustration and feeling sorry for myself because i’ve been plateaud for that time, and unable to lean out any further. That has led to me slipping back into the emotional eating habit, wondering “what the hell is wrong with me?”

Couple weeks ago, i was diagnosed as hypothyroid, which may provide a partial answer to why i’ve been unable to lose any further weight. I’m going to be medicated as of tomorrow, hopefully taking care of that part of the picture.

I’m going to do the velocity diet for a number of reasons: first, because i need to radically change the way i see food. I need to stop viewing it as emotional comfort and start viewing it as fuel. Second, I believe that doing this diet will allow me to make the major final change of really focusing on myself, and doing something for myself. Finally, I think that making major physical improvements will help the overall psychological picture and enhance my abilities to deal with and overcome my history.

I’ve decided–even though the diet consists of shakes only (excepting the weekly HSM) to keep a log–i find that writing down the time a shake is taken in helps to maintain the discipline. I’ve also printed off, and put on my bedside table Chris’s Phoenix Theory & Toxic People articles, which i plan to read every night as extra motivation.

My endocrinologist has recommended that i not use HRX, since I’m going to be taking thryoid meds, so I will be using Carbolin 19 instead. Apart from the Metabolic Drive, Flax seeds etc, I will also be using Beta-7, Rhodiola and Z-12, because i’m trying to wean off anti-depressants and sleep meds.

My start date will be Monday 4th May, 6 days from now. The attached pics were taken about 4 months ago, when my weight was around about 235 or 240. I don’t have measurements yet–I’ll be buying tape this weekend, but i’ll post them soon.

I attempted to start this process back in the fall, and failed after a week, but this is it. I’m fucking well determined to carry this through, and I will be posting daily updates as of Monday evening, when i return from a weekend trip to vegas for a wedding.

Given that I can’t use HRX, if anyone has any suggestions for further ancillary supplements, tips would be appreciated. Thanks. Fabian

Additional photos

One More

We’re here for you bro. Do it big this time. You have already lost a shitload of weight and this will help stoke the fire for the next big push. Don’t ever give up.

What thyroid meds does the doc have you on? Not taking HOT-ROX with them is probably a good idea, at least in the beginning.

Fabian, I think you’re ready to burn and rise again, no doubt.

Won’t be easy, but remember that when you’re in the midst of the rough spots – when you’re having a craving or wanting to cheat or just emotionally fragile – THIS is when the major, positive changes take place. Every time you make it through one of those rough spots, you come out stronger and changed a little.

A little tip: when you find yourself in a tough spot, move to another spot. I mean physically. For example, many V-Dieters find themselves in the kitchen and about to cheat. The feeling seems so powerful.

But if you get away - go for a NEPA walk, go get occupied with something else - then 5 minutes later you’ll think, “Wow, I can’t believe I almost fell off the wagon! I’m not even hungry now!” Psychologist have studied this proximity effect a lot, and it’s very real.

Anyway, keep us posted. You’re going to rock this thing!

Thanks Chris. The kitchen isn’t so much the problem for me–i’ve learned that there’s truth in the rule of “if you have it in the house, you’re gonna eat it”, so i don’t keep junk at home.

But you’ve put your finger on the pulse pretty much re the emotional eating/cheating: I have the tendency when emotionally down or having a bad day to stroll to the nearest fast-food joint, or convenience store and load up on M&M’s–my particular poison. That and “just one, honestly” 20oz bottle of coke! Funny how easy it is to persuade yourself that that one soda or bag of M&M’s isn’t going to be a problem, but f**k it is, when you accumulate them all!

I’ve come up with the idea of stripping the label off an empty Metabolic Drive jar, and writing “cheat punishment” on it in black permanent marker: every-time i feel like cheating I’m going to put cash in it to the value of the candy & soda i would have bought, and then, once i come off the transition, put the cash towards a new pair of Oakley that I’ve wanted but baulked at buying for a while, so this is gonna be an extra source of motivation.

The cheat punishment is a really good idea dude. I should try that.

Thanks Icarus…I figure anything that helps get me mad or keep me motivated will help.

Last of my supplies arrived today, so all set for monday. This weekend is the “deep breath before the plunge.”

So day 1 today. Thanks to a delayed flight from Vegas, i didn’t get into Boston till 1am, or into bed until 2.30am, so the planned lifting session (I’m normally a morning lifter) went by the wayside. Did NEPA this afternoon instead.

Had the temptation due to tiredness, walked into the convenience store, had the crap in my hands, and then thought NO!, put it back on the shelf, and bought a liter of water instead, walked outside, and made used the blender bottle to make shake no 3 of the day. 3 bucks in the cheat jar, but i’m proud of resisting. I know its only day one, but at least i had the thought process!

My one complaint-- opening a new jar of MD: WHY is the fucking scoop always buried so deep you have to fully immerse your hand to dig the fucker out!!!

friday night is going to be my first BIG test–a trip with friends to the movies to see Xmen Wolverine…not frequenting the concession stand for popcorn and soda will require major effort…wondering if i can save a shake for movie time and smuggle in a shake…

Congrats on your first day! AND not cheating:)

2nd day today. I did the workout this morning, and cranked through it.

5 shakes, no probs. Just blended the last one about an hour ago, with a little organic PB and some ice cubes—bingo, milkshake!

On a good note, walked into CVS to pick up a new bottle for fiber caps, and of course, they use “smart marketing,” and place all the candy right by the register…not a problem, didn’t even think about it till after i left the store. My usual routine at CVS would be to pick up something without even thinking about it, so i’m proud that today was the opposite.

I know its only day 2, but i hope there are more easy days like this!

I got on the scales this morning, and i’m down 2lb, to 218. Obviously that’s water-weight, but its a start.

I’m posting early today, for 2 reasons. First, i had my bi-weekly team luncheon/meeting with the people i work with today. The standard restaurant chosen is a grease-burger joint. I walked in with a pre-blended shake, 2 Flameout caps and just discreetly sipped it during the entire time. I didn’t feel cravings for the burgers, and actually was kinda turned off and grossed out by the smell coming from the kitchens, and the amount of oil visible on my colleagues’ plates.

2nd reason i’m posting early is a couple questions: why is the protein of choice MD, rather than Metabolic Drive complete–looking at the labels, the difference per serving in calories is only 150, and a difference of 9g of carbs. Is it purely the extra calories that are the issue?

2nd question is whether Surge Workout Fuel is a no-go during the diet, or is it ok to use?

Ooopss…just seen that SWF is not recommended/tested during V-Diet, so ignore that question…but i’d still be interested in the one about Metabolic Drive Complete…

The Punishment Jar…

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Disclaimer: Individual results may vary.