Abiss' V-Diet Journal

Starting stats:
Height: 5’6
Weight: 172 lbs.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Waist: 37"
Hips: 44"
Thighs: 26"
Calf: 16"
Ankle: 9.25"
Over Bust: 43"
Under Bust: 34.25"
Shoulders: 41"
Upper Arm: 13.75"
Neck: 14.125"
Scale Estimate: 33% body fat

The measurements are the same on both sides. They may be slightly different but my tape measure only goes by 1/8ths and I counted whatever was closest. As far as the scale: I don’t think it’s too far off.

On to the actual journal portion.

Day 3: The gym beat me up and called me funny names. For my walks I walk to my gym which is a little over a mile and a half away. It rained last night and I hoped the entire way there that it wouldn’t start up again. I was still sore from monday’s session but I knew I just had to work though it. I did.

I’m doing Chad’s V-Diet workouts and I happily dread each and every minute of them. I lifted as heavy as I felt I could, suffered what felt like a miniature heart attack during each rest period while trying to remember “What’s 5 plus 35 again?” and wondering if the ten seconds I had left was enough time to get in a good cry.

In the end I couldn’t get more than 21 seconds on my planks when I was supposed to go for 45. Well as heavy as I felt I could is a bit of a lie, on my last set of reverse lunges I had 10 lbs in each hand and it felt like a cop-out (I had been doing 15).

I spent a grand total of 35 min in the locker room changing because most of it I spent sitting down trying to keep my everything from shaking. About 20 min into this while eyeing my Surge like it was sent from the devil because all I wanted was some ice water (to drink or dump over my head I’m not sure) I realized that my last set of reverse lunges that I wussed out on were supposed to be hammer curls. Workout induced brain meltdown, yay.

I chugged my Surge and finished getting dressed. As soon as I got outside it started to rain. It took me 45 min to get home because I couldn’t figure out a decent stride that didn’t cause my legs to start buckling. I still had to catch myself about a half dozen times and when I got home the three steps to get to the front door seemed amazingly hard.

All in all the workouts are easy, the eating is the hard part. Mornings are fine I think it’s partially just the idea that I got through it the day before but as the day continues it gets harder. The first day I just felt like I was gorging myself at every meal and I wanted to puke. I put up an email about it, and with the new calculation I got from Chris (thanks again) I feel a lot better if a bit hungry at times.

The hardest part of the day is when my husband gets home from work. Part of our typical ritual was we’d go somewhere to eat. When he gets home is about time for one of my shakes too, so I start desperately craving something that I can actually chew. I start thinking of the things I can’t have. I think of how I look. I think of how a lot of the things I do that are social in my life revolve around food in one way or another.

And I start crying. And I feel stupid for crying but I do it anyway. My husband holds me and asks if there’s anything he can do, tells me he’s proud of me and I’m doing good so far. He reminds me and I remind myself that this isn’t going to last forever and it’s really just a short period of time. I remind myself that it’s not like I’ll never have some of the things I like now ever again and that I might not even like them anymore after I’m done. I think of some healthy options that I’ll be able to have at some of the places we like for my HSM. Then I suck it up, go have my shake and think “This isn’t so bad.”

Tomorrow I’m having Thanksgiving with my dad. I’m going to have turkey, asparagus and some butternut squash. He knows what I’m doing and I know he won’t try to pressure me into eating something I shouldn’t. I’ll really miss the mashed potatoes, gravy and stuffing (and leftovers). Me and my husband got a turkey and stuck it in the freezer. That way if I really miss everything that bad we can do a thanksgiving meal after new year’s when I’m finished with the transition portion as well. If I’m not really craving it then we have a turkey.

I’d like to finish this entry off with an excerpt from one of the emails I sent my dad yesterday. (Now keep in mind everything I own once fit me perfectly.)

I really feel I need the boot in the ass. Every time I make good changes I don’t stick with it and sometimes backslide into worse than I was doing before. About two weeks ago I actually broke down crying because it was the first time in a while I actually saw what I looked like which sparked me to get the scale and see numerically how bad I’d gotten. Now that I’m standing up straighter I can see and feel I’m starting to develop back rolls. When my jeans are fresh out of the dryer I can barely squeeze into them.

My stomach hangs over the front of them even when they’ve been broken in a little. I’m nearly constantly getting wedgies because my underwear is refusing to cover my ass. Things I haven’t worn in a while I practically need a crowbar to get into if they don’t just flat out start cutting off circulation. I don’t even shave my legs so I can use that as an excuse not to wear a bathing suit. One of the worst things about it is I can’t even feign ignorance about how I got this way, I know what the hell I did wrong. And honestly I chose to do it. I chose to eat crap constantly. I chose to keep telling myself “I’ll go to the gym tomorrow” or “I’ll start Monday.” Even after I broke down crying I nearly justified waiting til after the new year to do anything about it, thinking about all the holiday meals I’d miss. That’s part of the reason I decided to start now. I’m honestly that frustrated and pissed off with myself.

Sure It’ll be a little easier around xmas and new year’s because I’ll be on the transition period back to healthy solid meals and I’ll be able to have several servings throughout the day, but I’ll still have to make the right choices. I didn’t want to be one of those people who says they’re going to get fit for their resolution and never really does anything about it, I just wanted to do it.

Weight: 169 lbs.
Waist: 34.125"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: 25.5"
Calf: 16"
Ankle: 9"
Over Bust: 40.25"
Under Bust: 34.75"
Shoulders: 4.5"
Upper Arm: 13.5"
Neck: 13.875"
Scale Estimate: 31% body fat

Day 8: Didn’t get a chance to post the past few days, busy hanging out with my dad and my husband.

Weight, measurements and pictures. I was a little sad on only losing 3lbs but I know from experience that it’s not really weight that moves on me it’s inches. My goal is to lose 20lbs of fat. Going by the bf scales isn’t the best but it’s what I have. To combat my mild disappointment I did a few calculations, going by my scale I lost a little more than 4lbs of fat. The 1lb was more than likely muscle gain.

All the inches but the under bust and calves are lower so I’m happy. The under bust getting larger was probably to accomidate me breathing harder during my workouts. The calves, well… lets just say I view my calves the way most women view their thighs: one of the last places for the weight to come off. I’m really happy about the waist measurement. My goal there is for the largest measurement around my belly to be 28" so from start to first week measurement it’s a massive step in the right direction. I heavily scrutinized my before and first week pics. Lots and lots of minor changes. I have to keep reminding myself that it was only one week and I can’t expect massive changes in one week.

I actually have an hourglass figure when I’m leaner (before my hips and thighs start making it more of a pear) and I’m starting to get it back. I was actually thrilled with my bust size going down. I plugged my before measures into a bra calculator and was like “I’m supposed to be a WHAT?” I feel much better now.

Weights. It’s starting to get easier now, no matter if I’m shaking by the last rep on the first set and sweating. I’m not shaking and nearly falling when I walk home. It actually makes me sad having that feeling mostly gone and I question if I can go heavier next time. I spazzed and forgot my walk on saturday, I thought about doing double my route on sunday. I decided against it, I screwed up I shouldn’t alter things just continue with what I’m supposed to do and not forget a second time.

Food. I really don’t think I’m getting enough water. I was just drinking water when I felt like it. Yesterday I decided I really needed a goal with how much to drink a day so I got a 3L jug to drink per day. Thanksgiving was nice even if I did skip out on my two favorite things stuffing and mashed potatoes. I was really happy with the turkey and asparagus. When we went to the store yesterday for the water we picked up a few things for my husband. As we were leaving the store I found myself sulking “No oranges, no cucumbers, no bananas.” Also when we were walking by things I used to normally eat or would want it’d just be “Oh, hey I like that” and move on. Still have a craving for white potatoes though. It was hard sticking with the shakes to be honest.

I screwed up several times sat/sun. I started feeling really sick after drinking a shake, it’d last two hours most of which I had to spend lying down on my back. To put off feeling sick I’d put off drinking my shake and once or twice pushed it into my next meal or near it. I didn’t have the sick feeling sunday but due to poor planning and running around I did miss a meal. Wonder if I was trying to trick myself into quitting somehow with the feeling sick then sunday it was “Oh hey, results” and I was fine with it again. Just seems weird to me. I have an easier time with them with no ice, just chugging them and chasing it with water.

Other. My emotions are just kinda wearing away. I’m not crying about food anymore. It’s just the highs and lows are dulling. Same with my energy, only time I really feel ‘alive’ is when I’m in the gym. The rest of the day I just feel sort of numbed to everything. I fill up my day, but it all just blurs together into nothing when I try to look back on it. The gym I go to is having a contest. The start date is right after I finish my transition period, as in day after. I’m seriously considering entering. It’d be an excuse not to back-slide into old habits and keep going. Three months, pics, essay (kind of a body for life deal I suppose).

There’s a harp I’ve been wanting to get for over a year and haven’t been able to save up for. If I won my age group it would be a nice down payment, if I won the women’s side it’d be more than enough to pay for it outright. Be in awesome shape and something I’ve been wanting for ages? Certainly tempting.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Disclaimer: Individual results may vary.